3 characters. 7 pages long. Approximately 5-10 minutes running time. A fast food comedy for teens and adults by playwright, Scot Walker.

Hungry, Hungry Hippo Burgers is a wacky comedy about fast food and insurance? Poor Bobbie just stopped into Hungry Hippo Burgers for a quick bite to eat but cashier Karen won’t serve her until she purchases the insurance to go with it. Will Bobbie ever get a meal or will she decide take out an insurance policy that will forever change her life? This wacky comedy is a delicious treat for teens and adults alike!

Scot Walker is a retired middle school teacher of English who’s been writing stories, poetry and plays for over half a century. His passion is to involve students with fine scripts and he longs for your questions and input about his plays.

Excerpt from the play:

CAST OF CHARACTERS

KAREN: F, any age, cashier at Hungry, Hungry Hippo Burgers. An energetic female with a Type-A personality. She’s a tech savvy woman who always gets her way.
BOBBIE: F, any age, a famished customer. She’s wimpy, shy, wishy-washy and easily persuaded, a lone sheep in a wolf’s world.
MRS. JENKINS: 40+, (and yes, there are many woman over 40 with grandchildren). a crotchety grandma who totally digs every Hippo Burger product and eats them playfully and with gusto. She has few lines, but sings and hums on occasion and without her we wouldn’t have a show.

SETTING
A bar counter. Patrons sit or stand around. Mrs. Jenkins sits alone at a table nearby, with a huge amount of food in front of her.

At rise: Karen stands behind the counter, tapping her feet to the company jingle, the Hungry, Hungry Hippo theme song, which is sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture (“The Lone Ranger Theme Song”).

KAREN
(singing)
Give me a hip, give me a hip, give me a hip, hip, hip. Give me a hip, give me a hip, give me a hip, hip, hip. Give me a hip, give me a hip, give me a hip, hip, hip,

(Bobbie enters, as she and Mrs. Jenkins join in)

BOBBIE, MRS. JENKINS and KAREN
(singing)
Give me a hipppppp-po hamburger!

KAREN
Welcome to the Hungry, Hungry Hippo Burger, how may I help you?

BOBBIE
Give me a hamburger, fries and a chocolate shake.

KAREN
That will be $5.69 plus sixty cents for the insurance for a total of (punches info into the tablet)

BOBBIE
Insurance?

KAREN
Six twenty-nine.

BOBBIE
I don’t need insurance. I need a quick lunch. And when I heard you singing, I dashed in to join you. (sings) Give me a hippo-hamburger!

KAREN
Nobody wants insurance, but we all need it!

BOBBIE
Insurance for what? Choking to death on a Hippo Burger?

KAREN
Yes, and it happened. A grown man choked to death while munching on his Warthog Waffles—

BOBBIE
His warthog what?

KAREN
Waffles! It’s our latest dessert item—you’ll find them at the Warthog Watering Hole. Ah, perhaps you haven’t downloaded our app. We’ve created a Jungle full of desserts just for kids.

MRS. JENKINS
You mean for grandmas! The hell with the kids. Grandmas first!

KAREN
Warthogs are kids’ favorite animal and they do look a little like Hippos—only they’re smaller— with long tusks, and barbed hair for skin, and warts all over their ugly bodies . . . but we beautified them. They’re cute now . . . well, off the record, I think they’re ugly as hell, but the kids think they’re cute. We serve them with a jelly bean in the middle like a belly button and squiggles of raspberry jam for eyes. Then we squish a long stream of whipped cream around their warty little faces. It’s delightful! Finally, for our piece de resistance: we added big warthog ears on each side and shoved in peppermint sticks for tusks. Anyway, that’s why we provide insurance. You never know when kids might tusk themselves to death.

BOBBIE
Tusk themselves? Oh my!

KAREN
Hungry, Hungry Hippo Burgers is your best bet for a fine meal, with a great ambience and full medical coverage. Consider it Obamacare for the fast and hungry. Here, read this. (shoves the tablet across the counter)

BOBBIE
I barely have time to eat, let alone hum any more. Last year, I almost won the Hungry Hippo Hummer Award but I choked up at the last minute. (hums “Give me a hippo-hamburger as he pushes tablet back to Karen)

KAREN
I understand. You said, (reading from tablet) “you barely have time to enjoy our fine food let alone read about the benefits of insurance,” is that right? There’s so much wisdom here! It’s like a Trump tweet—especially when he sounds all garbled and stuff, but there is meaning there somewhere, isn’t there? Here, (sharing tablet) read with me.

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