Funny Skits for Kids

Casting
Rather than holding auditions, play theatre games with the students for a session or two, then assign skits in pairs or small groups, according to ability. For younger students, give them fewer lines, etc.

Set
Having no set is fine. But many of the skits call for a simple counter or a bench. Big colorful stars that the students made could adorn the stage. If you have access to a theatre space that has black boxes, great. Use those pieces to represent set pieces. If you don’t have access to black boxes, you’ll at least need a few chairs. You could also obtain a few boxes of various shapes (at least one fairly large one for a counter) and paint them in different bright colors. But don’t worry too much about this. Most of the action in these skits can simply be pantomimed!

Costumes
Invite students to wear a plain brightly colored T-shirt and jeans.

Sound Effects
You may want to have some music to accompany certain scenes. This can be especially effective for scenes that involve no talking.

Staging
Nearly every skit will have the action taking place downstage (closest to the audience). You may want to alternate the direction the actors make their entrance in each skit. For example, if students act out a scene and exit stage left, you’ll want the next group to enter from stage right as the actors are leaving. This keeps your show going at a good pace. You may also want to designate one actor as the announcer who runs onstage and declares the title of the skit. If students are into it, they can also make signs that announce the name of the piece.

Opening Scene
You may want to choose a group number that can involve the entire cast for the opening skit. “Balloon Symphony” and “Bubble Gum” can be great openers. For “Bubble Gum,” expand the skit to include more characters that do gross things to the gum.

Closing Scene
Again, pick an act that has everyone onstage. You may want to add to the skit, “The End,” where students go onstage holding letters that are all mixed up. They keep scrambling and unscrambling the letters until they spell something, such as: THIS IS THE END, depending on how many students you have, you’ll have to get creative with what you spell.

Scene: Bedroom
Cast: Two friends

(Two friends are hanging out when one person’s cell phone rings. She picks up.)

Friend #1: Hello? Yes. You don’t say… you don’t say… you don’t say. You don’t say! Yeah, okay, bye.
Friend #2: Who was that?
Friend #1: She didn’t say.

Scene: Summer camp
Cast: Two campers

(One camper is writing a letter, when along comes a second camper.)

Camper Two: Whatcha up to?
Camper One: I’m writing a letter to my little sister.
Camper Two: How come you’re writing so slowly?
Camper One: My little sister can’t read very fast.

Scene: A riverbank
Cast: A boy and a girl

(The players stand on opposite sides of the stage.)

Girl: Hey! Hello over there!
Boy: Yes?
Girl: Can you tell me how to cross this river?
Boy: Why?
Girl: I want to get to the other side.
Boy: You are on the other side!

Scene: Stage
Cast: Two players

Player 1: Ask me if I’m a rabbit.
Player 2: Okay. Are you a rabbit?
Player 1: Yes. Now ask me if I’m a beaver.
Player 2: Are you a beaver?
Player 1: No, silly. I already told you I was a rabbit!

Scene: City sidewalk
Cast: A dead guy, the guy who finds him.

(One guy lies dead on the ground. Someone comes along and finds him, pulls out a cell phone, and dials 911.)

Caller: Yes, this is an emergency! I’ve just found a dead person… where?… um (he looks around for a street sign) Oh, I’m near the corner of… um, Chattanooga and Bordeaux Boulevard… can I spell it? Um… c-h-a… um t-u, I mean, a… wait. C-h-a… t-u… oh heck, I’ll just drag him over to Johnson Street.

Scene: Cockpit of an airplane
Cast: Pilot, Air traffic controller

(The pilot is in the cockpit on one side of the stage, air-traffic controller with a computer is on the other side.)

Pilot: Mayday! Mayday! My engine is failing!
Air Traffic Controller: Roger. We read you, loud and clear. We’re going to locate your position!
Pilot: Hurry! I’m going down! I need a place to land, or I’m gonna jump!
Air Traffic Controller: We gotcha! Now, this is important. Before you eject, state your height and position!
Pilot: I’m about six feet tall and I’m sitting down!

(The pilot leaps out of his seat and jumps from the plane.)

Scene: The stage
Cast: Two players

(A player walks onstage and starts shouting out–)

Player #1:
Old eggshells! Rotten fruit! Soda cans!
Plastic wrappers! Apple cores!
Chewed-up gum!
Empty milk carton!
Moldy cheese!

Player #2: (walks up to player #1) Hey, what are you doing?

Player #1: I’m trash-talking, dude!

Scene: A house
Cast: Two siblings

A boy is on one side of the stage searching for something. His sister enters and asks what he is doing. He says he is looking for his wallet. She offers to help him, and she starts searching too. When they can’t seem to find it anywhere, she says, “Where were you when you last saw it?” He tells her that he was in the family room. She replies, “Then why are we looking in the living room?” He tells her it’s because the light is better in here.

Scene: Hardware store
Cast: Store clerk, Customer
Optional Sound Effect: Chainsaw starting up

(Customer approaches the counter.)

Store Clerk: May I help you?
Customer: Yes, my old handsaw is worn out and I just got a bunch of wood I need to cut up. Store Clerk: Okay, this is our top-of-the-line chain saw. You’ll be able to cut twice as much wood as you did before!
Customer: Great, thanks! (He hands over the money and takes the saw.)
(One of the actors says, “The next day…” or a person comes onstage with a sign that reads, “The Next Day.” The customer enters the store, disappointed.)
Customer: I spent the whole day trying to cut wood, and this saw barely cut any wood. Store Clerk: Hm. That’s strange. It’s our best saw. Here, I’ll put a new chain on it, maybe that will do the trick.
Customer: Thanks. I’ll give it a try.
(One of the actors says, “The next day…” or a person comes onstage with a sign that reads, “The Next Day.” The customer enters the store, even more disappointed.)
Customer: This saw just isn’t any good. I worked even harder yesterday, and still barely cut any wood. I want a refund.
Store Clerk: Okay, but just let me check it out first. (He starts up the saw, which makes a roaring sound. The customer covers his ears and shouts…)
Customer: Oh my gosh! What is that terrible noise?

Scene: Doctor’s office
Cast: Doctor, patient

Doctor: What seems to be the problem? Patient: Everywhere I touch my body, it hurts! Doctor: Everywhere? That’s impossible.
Patient: But it’s true! Watch.
(She touches her knee and screams out in pain. She touches her elbow, shoulder, stomach, and each time, she shrieks in pain.)
Doctor: Well, maybe I’ll take some X-rays and see what’s going on.
(The doctor leaves and returns with the X-rays.)
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Patient: What’s the good news?
Doctor: Your body is fine. The bad news is that your finger is broken.

Scene: A Monastery
Cast: Abbot, Monk

The abbot sits at his desk. In walks the monk.

Abbot: Ah, Brother Joseph. Has it been ten years already? You have taken a vow of silence, but every ten years, you are allowed to utter two words. Tell me, brother, what do you have to say?
(You may wish to have the abbot chant a nonsensical blessing each time before the monk is allowed to speak. Something like, “Peas and carrots, peas and corn,” but in the style of Gregorian chanting.)
Monk: Bad food.
(The monk leaves. Someone holds up a sign that says, “Ten years later.” Once again, the monk goes up to the abbot, walking a bit more slowly this time.)
Abbot: Brother Joseph. It is time again, already? (Chants the blessing) My son, what do you have to say?
Monk: Uncomfortable bed.
(He leaves. Someone holds up the “Ten years later” sign. The monk is stooped over as he approaches the abbot.)
Abbot: (chants the blessing) Now, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: I quit.
Abbot: I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve been here thirty years and all you’ve done is complain!

Scene: Doctor’s office
Cast: Doctor, Patient

(A patient enters a doctor’s office on all fours.)

Patient: I need help!
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Patient: I think I’m a dog.
(He scratches behind his ear and performs other dog-like actions.)
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I’ve been a puppy.
Doctor: Would you like to lie on the couch? Patient: I’m not allowed on the furniture.
Doctor: (Pretending to write a prescription) Okay, here’s my advice. Make sure to get all of your shots and try to stay away from cars.

Scene: The stage
Cast: Announcer, Aerobics instructor

Announcer: We are pleased to announce that we are kicking off our show with a great start. The world-famous aerobics instructor (make up a name) is here with us today and is going to lead us all in the greatest workout on earth!

(The instructor comes onstage with very high energy and has the audience leap to their feet. He/she then leads everyone in a series of super-silly moves, such as–)

“Touch the tip of your nose with your tongue!” “Wiggle your booty!”
“Roll your eyes up into your head!”
“Do the chicken!” (arms bent, flapping like wings) “Slap your knees!”
“Wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care!”

The skit ends with the instructor telling everyone to give themselves a round of applause “You look AMAZING!” He/she bounds offstage.

Scene: A trail
Cast: Two hikers

(Two hikers are walking along, admiring the scenery, when one spots some tracks.)

Hiker One: Cool! Animal tracks! I wonder what kind of animal made these.
Hiker Two: They look like they were made by a big cat.
Hiker One: Maybe it’s a cougar or a mountain lion.
Hiker Two: My dad taught me a thing or two about tracking. Let me look closer. (He gets down on the ground and examines the tracks very closely.)
Hiker Two: These are most definitely panther tracks.
Hiker One: How can you be so sure? Lots of big cats could leave tracks like these.
Hiker Two: Well, if you look very closely at the tracks, you’ll see that there are ants squished into nearly every step.
Hiker One: So?
Hiker Two: Well, the animal that made these tracks was stepping on ants on purpose.
Hiker One: Okay, so it was stepping on ants. So what?
Hiker Two: He was also doing it in a pattern. (To the tune of the Pink Panther–) Look. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant!”

Scene: Sporting goods store
Cast: Clerk, Customer
Optional Prop: Knapsack rigged up with three cords dangling from it (parachute)

(The customer walks up to the counter and asks for their best parachute.)

Clerk: Well, we have a pretty big variety, but this is probably our best one. (Hands it to customer)
Customer: What makes this one the best? Clerk: Well, see here, this is the rip cord. Customer: Yeah?
Clerk: When you pull that, the parachute opens.
Customer: What’s this other cord?
Clerk: That’s the reserve chute, in case the first one doesn’t open, you have a backup.
Customer: What’s the third cord for?
Clerk: That’s the reserve, reserve chute. The backup to the backup.
Customer: But what if all three of them don’t open?
Clerk: Bring it back and we’ll give you a full refund.

Scene: Candy Store
Cast: Very Old Shopkeeper, Little kid.
Props: A folding ladder

Kid skips into the candy store. He’s one of those students who can’t stand still. He reaches the counter and addresses the shopkeeper. The kid says, “Mister, I’d like five of those nickel candies way up at the top.” The shopkeeper answers, “You mean those nickel candies, way, way up top?” The kid answers, “Yes, please.” The shopkeeper groans a bit, and laboriously climbs up the ladder, gets him five candies, and climbs back down while the kid watches in delight. The little kid gives him a quarter and skips away. This happens several times over the next few days. The storekeeper gets more and more tired and aggravated each time. Until the next day when he sees the kid coming. The shopkeeper says, “Oh! Here comes that kid. I know what he wants. I’ll climb up now to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him.” The kid walks in, and the shopkeeper says, “I’ll bet I can guess what you want. I’ll bet you want five of the nickel candies from way up top, right?” Surprisingly, the kid says, “Nope! Not today!” Annoyed, the shopkeeper says, “Great. I’ll just climb back up and put them away.” He climbs up, puts them away, then comes down. He asks “Now, sonny, what would you like today?” The kid answers, “I would like three of those nickel candies way up at the top!”

Scene: A classroom
Cast: Teacher, Little kid
Props: Several pairs of rainboots

(The teacher is helping the little kid put on rain boots, it’s a bit of a struggle.
A teacher is trying to help a little kid put on her boots when the kid tells her that they are not her boots. So, the teacher tries another pair and another pair. But each time, the kid says that they are not her boots. Finally, there is only one pair left. It’s the original pair. The teacher says, “But I thought you said these are not your boots.” The child answers, “They’re not.
They’re my sister’s. My mommy couldn’t find mine this morning.”)

Little Kid: These are not my boots.
Teacher: Oh.
(She takes the boots off and grabs another pair.)
Teacher: What about these?
Little Kid: Um, okay.
(The teacher tries to put on a second pair of boots, but they are too tight.)
Teacher: These don’t seem to fit. Are these your boots?
Little Kid: No.
Teacher: (grabbing another pair)
Teacher: How about these ones?
(Little Kid shrugs, and the teacher puts on boots that are obviously too large.)
Teacher: These aren’t your boots either, are they?
Little Kid: No.
Teacher: Well, the only pair left are these, (picking up the original boots) and you already told me that they are not your boots.
Little Kid: They’re not my boots. They’re my sister’s (or brother’s). My mom couldn’t find mine this morning.

Scene: Lecture Hall
Cast: Emcee, Famous Scientist (Dr. Snorosky)

(The emcee takes center stage, while the famous scientist waits on the side of his stage, dusting his jacket, adjusting his tie, smoothing his hair, etc.)

Emcee: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and students of this fine institution. Tonight, we are lucky to have one of the most illustrious scientists of our age with us. Dr. Rudolph Snorosky has patented over a thousand inventions. His work with third-world countries has resulted in safe drinking water for thousands of people in remote villages. He has written six books and won over seventy awards including two Nobel prizes. I am pleased to introduce Dr. Snorosky, who will now give his address.
Dr. Snorosky: (He walks to center stage and clears his throat.) Thank you, Mr. Johnson, for that brilliant introduction. My address is 7609 Chestnut Avenue. Thank you. (He bows and walks off.)

Scene: Outside
Cast: Two students

Kid #1: I’m a pretty good climber. Probably the best you’ll ever see.
Kid #2: Oh yeah? Can you climb to the top of a sand dune?
Kid #1: That’s easy.
Kid # 2: Okay, how about that tree over there?
Kid #1: Done it.
Kid # 2: What about that big hill over there?
Kid #1: That’s easier than the tree.
Kid #2: Yeah, right. What about the tallest building in the city?
Kid #1: Yep!
Kid #2: Okay, how about Mt. Everest?
Kid #1: I’ve done that twice. I told you; I am the best climber you’ll ever see.
Kid #2: I know something you can’t climb.
Kid #1: What?
Kid #2: (Pulling out a flashlight and pointing the beam to the sky). This!
Kid #1: No way am I going to climb that.
Kid #2: Aha! I win.
Kid #1: That’s not fair. This is a trick. If I started climbing, you’d let me get halfway up and turn it off!

Scene: Art Gallery
Cast: Two patrons, one artist

Two patrons hold wine glasses and move from painting to painting making comments, while the artist leans on a nearby wall, only half paying attention. (Performance tip: The paintings are imaginary, so you’ll want the scene to look as real as possible. Establish where each painting is in the space, and really imagine what each one looks like. Take a bit of time in front of each painting to look at the details before making a comment.) The two patrons go around to the various paintings commenting on the artist’s use of color, proportion, and technique until they find a painting leaning against the wall. One of the patrons picks it up and is amazed at the skill. They both decide that this is the best one of all when the artist rushes over and says, “Where’d you get that? That’s the canvas I use to clean my brushes on!”

Scene: Emergency room Cast: Doctor, patient, janitor Props: bloody knife, dust mop

(The doctor is admiring himself in a mirror, perhaps muttering about what a handsome-devil he is, when a patient staggers in with a bloody knife in his gut.)

Patient: Help me, I’m bleeding to death!
(The doctor seems unconcerned. He brushes away some lint from his doctor’s coat.)
Doctor: Ok, calm down. Now, let’s see. What happened?
Patient: I’ve been stabbed!
Doctor: What’s your address?
Patient: Why does that matter, I’ve been stabbed! I’m losing blood!
Doctor: Are you allergic to any medication?
Patient: Um, well, I don’t know—HELP ME!
(The doctor can continue to ask more questions that can be ad-libbed here if you want to make the skit longer.)
Doctor: (answering cell phone) Hello? No, I’m not busy. Sure, I can go to lunch. I’ll be there in ten minutes.
He takes off, leaving the patient writhing on the floor.
Patient: Ohhhhh…
(Just then, a janitor wanders by pushing a dust mop. He sees the man on the floor and walks over and pulls the knife out. The patient stands up.)
Patient: Thank you!
(He leaves, and the janitor keeps dusting the floor.)

Scene: The stage
Cast: Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb, a Passer-by
Prop: A long pole

(Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb come onstage carrying a long pole. They hold it up and examine it.)

Tweedle Dee: How are we going to figure this out?
Tweedle Dumb: I dunno. Did you bring a tape measure? Tweedle Dee: Yes, but it’s too tall.
Tweedle Dumb: Well, we have to figure out how high this pole is.
Tweedle Dee: Maybe we can measure the shadow.
Tweedle Dumb: I dunno, the shadow looks longer than the pole.
Tweedle Dee: What if we measured half of it and divided that by two? Tweedle Dumb: That doesn’t sound right.
Tweedle Dee: Stand next to it. (he does) Now, how tall are you?
Tweedle Dumb: I’m four feet… wait, what good will that do?
Tweedle Dee: Well, we have to start somewhere.
(A passer-by comes along.)
Passer-by: What are you guys trying to do?
Tweedle Dumb: We are trying to figure out how high this pole is.
Passer-by: Why don’t you lay it on the ground and measure how long it is?
Tweedle Dee: Weren’t you listening? We are trying to figure out how HIGH it is, not how long it is!

Scene: Old country road
Cast: Two lost hikers, Guy on his porch
Optional Props: map, walking sticks. Guy on porch could be sitting in a rocking chair.

(The two hikers walk along the road; one pulls out a map.)

Hiker #1: Looks like we’re lost again.
Hiker #2: Maybe that old guy over there can help us.
(The old guy sits on his porch, whittling. The two hikers approach.)
Hiker #1: Pardon me, but we’ve been hiking all day, and I think we’re lost.
Old guy: Yep. Reckon so. You’re not from round these parts.
Hiker #2: Well, can you tell us where Mt. Whitney pass is from here?
Old guy: I got no idea where that’s at.
Hiker #1: Okay, how about Smith Creek? Old guy: Never heard of it.
Hiker #2: (checking back on the map) What about the Old Mill Bridge?
Old guy: Never heard of that, neither.
Hiker #2: You gotta know where Twin Forks is from here.
Old guy: Sorry, got no idea.
Hiker #1: Okay, okay… how about you just tell us where the nearest highway is.
Old guy: Not sure there is a highway near these parts.
Hiker #2: You’ve GOT to be kidding. What do you know?
Old guy: I know I ain’t lost!

Scene: Bedroom
Cast: Kid, Two friends

A kid sits in his room, which is very messy. His friends come over and ask what he’s doing. He tells them that he’s thinking about his invention. They become very curious and want to know what it is! They ask him to tell them. They offer to help. He agrees to let them help with his invention, but first, he has to clean up his room. So, they all pitch in and clean up the mess. When it’s all done, the kid says, “I think I just figured it out!” The friends ask, “Figured what out?” He replies, “I was trying to invent a way to clean my room!”

Scene: A field trip.
Cast: Three students.
Prop: Bouquet with strands of ivy trailing down.

Student #1: This is a fun nature walk, but I don’t think our teacher is having a very good time.
Student # 2: Well, it didn’t help when you gave her that garter snake.
Student #1: I was just trying to give her something for our nature display.
Student #3: Yeah… and you heard what she said! “Don’t give me anything that moves by itself.”
Student #1: Okay, now I know better! Don’t worry, I’ll fix everything.
Student #2: Yeah? How?
Student #1: Well, you know how much she likes flowers? I picked these for her.
(He holds up the bouquet with trailing strands of ivy.)
Student #3: Oh no! We’ll never get to go on another hike!
Student #1: How come?
Student #2: Because that’s poison ivy!!

Scene: A Restaurant
Cast: Two diners, Waiter
Props: table with tablecloth, candles, menus, storybook

(Note, you don’t have to set up a fancy table, you can just have a table and three chairs. The menus can also be pantomimed.)

Two diners enter a restaurant. A waiter greets them, seats them at a table, and gives them menus. The diners chat between themselves about what they are going to order. When the waiter comes back to take their orders, the first customer says, “I’d like the halibut please.” The waiter asks the second customer what they’d like. The second diner answers, “I’d like a lobster tail please.” The waiter takes their menus and tells them he’ll be right back. He goes away and returns with a storybook. He sits at the table and opens the book and begins to read. “Once upon a time, there was a little lobster named Charlie…”

Scene: A roadside
Cast: Two workers, a Foreman
Optional props: construction hats

Two workers are digging a ditch when the foreman comes by and just stands there watching. One digger sees the boss standing there, turns to the other, and asks why they must do all the work while the boss gets paid more. The other man says, “I don’t know, why don’t you go and ask him.” He then asks the boss, who says it’s “intelligence.” The worker asks what he means, and the boss says he will show him. The boss puts his hand against a tree and tells the worker to punch his hand as hard as possible. When the worker tries, the boss pulls his hand away, and the worker punches the tree instead. The boss says, “That’s intelligence; now go back to work!” When the worker returns to the ditch, the other man asks him what the boss said. The injured worker explains it’s “intelligence.” The other worker asks what that is. The first worker says he’ll show him. He puts his hand in front of his own face and tells the other worker to punch him as hard as he can.

Scene: The stage
Cast: Three balloon players, a conductor

The players in the orchestra each hold a balloon, which they proceed to blow up. At the conductor’s direction, they let out the air one squeak at a time to the rhythm of a well-known song such as “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” or “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.” At the end, they fill up their balloons again, and at the conductor’s signal, they let them fly up into the audience. All take a bow.

Scene: Cowboy bar
Cast: Two cowboys, Sheriff, Bartender

(Two cowboys and the sheriff sit at the bar while the bartender is cleaning his gun.)

Cowboy #1: Did I ever tell you about the time I fell into a pit of rattlesnakes, but I shot every single one before I climbed out?
Cowboy #2: That’s nothing. I’m so brave that I once wrestled a grizzly with my bare hands and won!
Sheriff: Yeah, well one time I captured four horse thieves all by myself!
(Just then, the bartender’s gun fires accidentally. The cowboys and the sheriff jump out of their seats and run screaming out the door.)
Bartender: Gee, I was just cleaning my gun.

Scene: A park bench
Cast: Waiting Guy, three people on lunch break

Scene opens with a guy waiting on a park bench. Another person comes along with their lunch, moving the first guy over a little on the bench. They say hello, and the first guy mentions that he is waiting for his girlfriend. Soon, another person comes along and pushes both of the other people over a little more. Then another person comes along and does the same. Repeat this until the first guy is completely knocked off the bench. He is really annoyed, but then he gets an idea and starts scratching himself. Just a little at first, but then he starts really itching! The other people on the bench scoot away from him and eventually run off. The first guy says, “Works every time!”

Scene: A campground
Cast: An old guy, Two hikers, Dog Optional props: tin plates

(An old guy hovers over his campfire when a tired hiker approaches.)

Hiker #1: Hey there, old timer… your food smells delicious. You wouldn’t happen to have any extra, would you?
Old guy: Sure, kid. Grab an empty plate, and I’ll be happy to share!
Hiker #1: This plate looks kinda dirty.
Old guy: It’s not dirty. It’s as clean as Blue River can get it.
(He piles on the food, the hiker eats up, thanks him, and moves on. Another hiker reaches the old man’s camp.)
Hiker #2: Gosh, that food smells amazing. I’ve been hiking for miles, and all I brought with me was trail mix. You wouldn’t happen to have a little to spare, would you?
Old guy: No problem. Grab that bowl, and I’ll dish you up some of my tasty stew.
Hiker #2: Um, this bowl doesn’t look very clean.
Old guy: It’s clean alright. As clean as Blue River can get it!
(The old guy serves up the stew, the hiker gobbles it up, thanks him, and moves on.)
Old guy: Gotta admit, this is tasty stew. Guess it’s time to clean up. (he puts the dishes on the ground and calls out) Blue River! Blue River! Here boy!
(A dog comes running on and starts licking the dishes.)
Old guy: Good dog, Blue River. Good dog.

Scene: Restaurant
Cast: Three customers, a Waiter

(Three customers read menus at the table when a waiter comes over.)

Waiter: What’ll you have?
Customer #1: I’ll have a Rueben sandwich please.
Waiter: You know, those are really fattening. Why don’t you try roast beef on wheat. It’s much leaner, and actually quite delicious.
Customer #1: You’re right, that does sound pretty good. I’ll take the roast beef.
Waiter: And you?
Customer #2: I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a coke.
Waiter: Gosh, that’s just like a heart attack on a plate! Why not try our new Chef’s salad? It’s very crunchy and flavorful, and you’ll have energy for the rest of the afternoon.
Customer #2: You know, you’re right. I’ll have the Chef’s salad!
Waiter: How about you?
Customer #3: What do you suggest?
Waiter: Who has time to make suggestions?

Scene: Kitchen
Cast: Three players, Janitor
Optional props: large soup pot, spoons, mop

(Three players are sitting over a pot, dipping spoons in and tasting the contents.)

Player #1: This is great soup!
Player #2: Yeah, it’s better than my mom’s soup.
Player #3: We don’t usually have food this good at school.
(Along comes the janitor.)
Janitor: (carrying a mop) You boys get away from my mop water!

Scene: The Stage
Cast: Six players in a circle, one is the leader.

Players are holding an invisible blanket with an invisible guy sitting in the middle (Stanley). The leader says, “We are a World Champion Blanket Tossing Team, and Stanley in the middle here is our star bouncer! We’ll warm up by tossing Stanley a few times.” The team pretends to let the blanket go a bit slack, and the leader counts to three. On “three,” they pull it tight to make Stanley bounce. The players watch “Stanley” go up in the air, then come down, and then catch him in the blanket. Each time, they toss him higher. Practice until the team is in sync and watching the same spot. The leader asks, “OK, we’re all warmed up now?” The team members murmur in agreement. The leader says, “Let’s toss Stanley a little higher!” Stanley bounces up in the air and the team members catch him as he comes down. The leader says, “Okay, let’s go even higher! One, two, three!” This time Stanley goes up higher and the team members have to move the blanket to get under him, finally catching him. The leader says, “He wants to go even higher! One, two, three!” This time, the team almost loses track of Stanley, he’s in the air for about fifteen seconds, and the team members really have to work to catch him. The leader looks at Stanley and says, “What? What’s that you say, Stanley? He says he wants to go for a world record! Okay, team, ready? One, two, three!” The team is astonished as Stanley goes up really high. The leader exclaims, “Wow, I’ve never seen him go so high! Can you guys see him? I think he went up past those trees. He’s lost!” The team drops the blanket and looks toward the sky. The leader shrugs and says, “Oh well.” The team members also shrug and leave the stage. After a couple more skits and songs, the blanket-tossing team rushes back on stage, picks up the blanket and moves back and forth to finally catch Stanley. The leader shouts, “He did it! Let’s give Stanley a big round of applause!”

Scene: The sidewalk
Cast: Kid, jogger, jump-roper, dog, old man, basketball player (and more if you wish)

A kid walks onstage chewing gum. He says, “I got this new gum. It has five different flavors, and it’s supposed to be really good for blowing bubbles.” He blows a huge imaginary bubble. It pops and flies out of his mouth. He says, “Oh no, where did it go?” He looks everywhere and can’t find it. He finally wanders offstage looking at the ground. Then a Jogger enters and gets his foot stuck on the gum. A jump-roper gets it stuck on her rope. A dog comes by, sniffs the gum, and pees on it. An old man wanders on and gets the gum stuck on his cane. A basketball player dribbles by and gets the gum stuck to his ball. (You can add more characters that do silly things to the gum.) Finally, the kid returns and spots the gum. He is excited to find it, “There it is!” He pops it into his mouth and starts to chew. “Tastes even better than I remember!”

Scene: City Bus
Cast: Some Passengers, Bus Driver, “Stinky”

(Bus driver drives the bus, and at each stop, more passengers get off holding their noses. They tell the driver to hurry up, pushing against each other trying to get off. Finally, only one passenger is left. “Stinky.”)

Driver: Hey! All my passengers left. You know anything about it? (Stinky shrugs.)
Driver: (Smells something awful.) Hey, something smells– it must be you. Did you wash this morning?
Stinky: Yeah.
Driver: Brush your teeth?
Stinky: Yeah. Driver: Clean clothes? Stinky: Yeah?
Driver: Wash your hair?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Change your socks?
Stinky: Sure! Here are the old ones!

Scene: A prison
Characters: Members of a firing squad, several prisoners.

The firing squad lines up opposite a prisoner. The Firing Squad Leader yells, “Ready…aim…” When suddenly the prisoner points behind the firing squad and shouts… ”Look, a tornado!” The firing squad team runs away and the prisoner escapes. A second prisoner is brought out. The firing squad lines up again. The Firing Squad Leader calls out, “Ready…aim…” Just then, the Second Prisoner shouts, “Flash Flood!” The Firing squad once again runs for cover and the prisoner escapes. Another prisoner is brought out and the firing squad returns. Several more prisoners are brought forth, each shouting out a different natural disaster. Finally, the last prisoner is brought out. He looks to be out of ideas and is pretty scared. The Firing Squad Leader shouts, “Ready…aim…” Suddenly, the prisoner has an idea. He shouts, “FIRE!” And they do.

Scene: A park bench
Cast: Ralph, Fred, Pete, George, a Policeman

Four friends are sitting on a park bench. Ralph is reading a book and Fred is going for a swim (he leaps off the park bench and starts swimming around). Pete is pretending to be fishing, and he’s catching a lot today, and George is looking through a pair of binoculars. A policeman enters and watches the scene. Eventually, he asks Ralph if he knows these guys. Ralph says, “Yes, they are my friends.” The policeman suggests that he take his friends home. Ralph says “Okay,” and asks everyone to get back in the boat. The policeman asks what he is doing, to which Ralph replies, “Someone has to row us back!” He starts “rowing” offstage. The policeman watches with surprise.

Scene: A fortune teller’s booth or tent
Cast: Fortune teller, carnival barker, several customers

A fortune teller sits center stage, looking magical and intimidating. A carnival barker near her beckons for people to come forth, saying that she is the most amazing fortune teller in the world. He claims that she can tell things about a person’s future, just by touching something that belongs to a person. He attracts a few customers. The first customer walks up to the fortune teller, who says some magic words and waves her hands over the object. She tells the customer (in a very important and ominous-sounding voice) “You will be a writer!” A second customer approaches. He has a deck of cards. She says her magic words, waves her hands, and says, “You will be a magician!” The third customer brings a scarf… she will be a clothing designer. The next carries a flashlight… he will be an explorer. Add as many characters as you wish. Then, the carnival barker calls on someone from the audience. When the audience member tries to choose something to give her, the carnival barker keeps saying things like, “that’s not interesting enough,” or, “that’s not personal enough.” He makes excuses, until finally, he suggests that he give the fortune teller his shoe. He does, and the fortune teller looks at it with big eyes, then throws the shoe very far offstage. “I predict you will be going offstage.”

Scene: King’s court
Cast: King, several courtiers, a boy
Props: sheets of paper, newspaper, magazine, roll of toilet paper

The king sits on his throne, calls out “bring me my royal papers!” A courtier runs onstage with a pile of papers. The king tosses them up in the air, saying that those are not his royal papers. “Bring me my royal papers!” Another courtier comes along with some newspaper. The king tosses them as well, saying that they are not his royal papers. This repeats with a magazine, a scroll, etc. Finally, the king—enraged— calls out one more time. This time, a boy runs onstage with a roll of toilet paper, the end trailing along the stage. He kneels and presents it to the king, visibly relieved.

Scene: A park
Cast: 4-6 students

A person is sitting as if they are on an invisible bench. Someone comes along and asks him what he is doing, and he replies that he is sitting on an invisible bench. He asks to sit down too, and the first guy says, “Sure, there’s lots of room!” Another person comes along and joins them, and another… until the last person comes along and asks what they are doing. They tell him that they are sitting on an invisible bench. He replies by telling them, “But I moved it over by the pond this morning!” All of the bench-sitters cry out and fall down.

Scene: King’s Court
Cast: King, Squires, Two guards, Royal raisin supplier

The king commands that someone bring him his royal raisins. A squire enters and presents the king with raisins from the South of France. The king tastes one and angrily declares that they are NOT his royal raisins. He commands that someone bring him his royal raisins. A second squire brings him raisins from California wine country, same thing. A couple more squires bring in raisins from exotic places, but the king only grows increasingly angry. He demands to speak with his royal raisin supplier. Two guards drag in the royal raisin supplier. When the king asks where his royal raisins are, the poor man answers, “I’m sorry, Your Highness, but the rabbit died yesterday!”

Scene: The Stage
Cast: 3-6 people, and the xylophone player Optional Prop: soft mallet

Several performers kneel in a row facing the audience. The “xylophone player” taps the heads of the performers as if playing the xylophone. Each performer chimes a single note when tapped. (Use simple, recognizable tunes such as “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” or “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”)

Scene: City street
Cast: Person with a nosebleed, four pedestrians

The person with a nosebleed is looking at the sky. He holds a tissue. A pedestrian comes along and looks up at the sky too. “Watcha lookin’ at?” (no answer). A third person comes along and starts looking up at the sky too. A fourth person walks onstage and sees the three people looking up at the sky. “What are you guys doing?” The nosebleed person puts the tissue up to his nose. “I don’t know what these guys are doing, but my nose is bleeding!”

Scene: Classroom
Cast: Several students, Teacher

(Several students enter with gifts for the teacher. The gifts can be anything, such as: a cupcake; a pen; a bracelet; a mug; etc. Each student greets the teacher who is very thankful. Every time, the student explains that their dad works in a bakery, a pen factory, a jewelry store, or he makes ceramics.
For example, the student brings the teacher a cupcake–)

Teacher: Why thank you!
Student: It was nothing… my dad works in a bakery.

(Finally, one last student comes in with a box dripping water out of it. The teacher carefully accepts the box, and the student says, “My dad works in a pet store… it’s a puppy.”)

Scene: Warehouse
Cast: Boss, Guard, Three workers
Props: Cardboard boxes

(A boss gives instructions to a new guard.)

Boss: We’ve been having trouble with the workers stealing inventory, so it’s your job to guard the warehouse gate and make sure that no one leaves with company property!
Guard: Yes sir! I’m your man. I won’t let anyone get by with stolen property.
Boss: You have my permission to search the workers if you need to.
Guard: Will do.
(The boss exits the stage. Along comes a worker carrying a box covered with a piece of cloth.)
Guard: Stop right here. I need to see what you have in that box.
Worker: Why?
Guard: I’m here to make sure no one takes anything out of the warehouse. What’s in that box? Worker: Oh alright. I’ll show you. The box is empty. (He shows the open box to the guard so that the audience can see.)
Guard: Alright, then. You are free to go.
(Along comes another worker carrying a draped box. The guard questions him/her again, and the worker reveals that the box is empty. It happens a third time, and the boss rushes back onstage.)
Boss: What are you doing! I told you to stop workers from stealing!
Guard: What do you mean? The only workers who left had empty boxes.
Boss: You idiot! We MAKE boxes. They are stealing the boxes!

Scene: A road
Cast: Bus driver, Penguins, Police officer
Set: chairs arranged in “bus” formation
Optional costumes: “penguins” dressed in black and white

(The bus driver drives a bus full of penguins when they are stopped by a police officer.)

Police Officer: Where are you taking these penguins?
Bus Driver: I’m taking them to the beach.
Police Officer: Wouldn’t it be better to take them to the zoo?
Bus Driver: Okay, great idea!
(The bus driver “changes direction” and drives off.
Person comes on carrying a sign that reads “Later that day…” The police officer stops the bus again.)
Police Officer: I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!
Bus driver: I did! They loved it! Now I’m taking them roller skating!

Scene: Ticket window
Cast: Several fans, Ticket seller

Fans stand in line waiting for the ticket office to open. They talk about how excited they are for the big event and wonder when the box office will open. A person walks up and tries to go to the front of the line. The fans get mad and tell him that he has to wait his turn like everyone else. He tries to go to the front of the line again, and the fans confront him and push him back. Finally, he wanders away and says, “Fine. I give up. Someone else can open the ticket window.”

Scene: An office
Cast: Boss, Several office workers, The Viper
Props: bucket, squeegee

The boss sits at his/her desk, when one of the workers runs in and exclaims that he has just heard a rumor that the Viper is coming! The boss becomes anxious, and presses speed-dial and speakerphone to ask his assistant, “Did you hear that the Viper is coming?” The assistant runs in and says that she has heard it too. The Viper is coming. Soon, the office is full of people freaking out about the Viper coming, when along comes a guy carrying a bucket and a squeegee. He says, “I’m the vindow viper. I’ve come to vipe your vindows.”

Scene: The stage
Cast: Six players
Props: six white pieces of paper or poster board with the letters t/e/e/n/d/h written on them in black

Upbeat music plays while six bumbling players enter carrying the letters. They try and unscramble the letters and stand in formation, but they shake their heads… it’s not right. They re-arrange themselves several times, but the letters still do not make sense. One last try… they have it right. The letters spell out THE END.