The Spotted Skink

Two young people try to save their beloved mountain community by claiming they’ve discovered an endangered species. Will they go to any length to get what they want? Is lying ever justified? This clever and witty script is perfect for middle and high schoolers.

Playwright Bio:

Seth Freeman writes for the stage, print and film, and television, for which he created the series Lincoln Heights. His articles have appeared in The New York Times, Southern Theatre Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, Stars and Stripes, The Hill, YaleGlobal, and numerous other periodicals. There have been over two hundred fifty productions of his plays in the U.S. and around the world. His work has received multiple Emmys, Golden Globes, Writers Guild, Peabody, P.E.N., First Amendment, and other awards. In 2019 he graduated with a Master’s degree from UCLA’s Fielding School of Public Health. He dedicates non-writing time to institutions devoted to health care, education, the empowerment of women, and human rights.

About the Play:

CHARACTERS:
VIRG, a young guy, a cook at a diner
ARTIE, a young guy, manager at a diner
Brad JOHNSON, a government official
Others, crowd members, if possible

SETTING:
A mountain road. A warm day. And a SOUND. The unmistakably scary SOUND of a rattlesnake’s warning SIZZLE.
(ARTIE and VIRG enter. ARTIE holds a long stick and a burlap sack. He hands the sack to VIRG.)
ARTIE
Okay, I’ll get him up. You just hold the bag open.

VIRG
Uh.

ARTIE
Hurry! He’s going to get away.

VIRG
Why do I have to hold the bag?

ARTIE
Somebody’s gotta hold the bag, and I’m already holding the stick.

VIRG
Why can’t I hold the stick?

ARTIE
Really, Virgil? You really want to go through this all again?

(VIRG looks down.)

You’re a good cook, right? You wouldn’t want me scrambling the eggs and mixing meatloaf and all the dishes you make that keep the customers coming back to the Bristlecone Cafe and Bar.

VIRG
It’s not that hard.

ARTIE
It’s what you’re good at. And what I’m good at is managing the cafe. Which is why I’m in charge and I decide the hours and when we hire an extra dishwasher and all the decisions. Do you want to switch — I cook, and you handle the upset customers and you come up with the ideas?

VIRG
No, but –

ARTIE
‘Cause if Mountain High Development Corporation is allowed to come up here and build a shopping center with a Marie Callender’s and IHOP and McDonalds that drive the Bristlecone out of business, who is going to be out of a job as a cook?

VIRG
I know –

ARTIE
Who figured out that our only hope to save the cafe, and our jobs, was showing the Environmental Impact Committee how an endangered species would be affected by a big, new mall in a wilderness area?

VIRG (Pointing)
It’s sliding off the road, so—

ARTIE (Urgently)
Virg, open the bag!

(VIRG opens the sack, and holds it at arm’s length, trembling. ARTIE uses the stick to lift the snake up off the ground.)

VIRG
Oh, God! Oh, God!

ARTIE
Keep your eyes open! Stop shaking!

(ARTIE maneuvers the snake over the bag, shakes and drops it in the sack where it rattles furiously and angrily.)

Okay, good. I knew I could do it.

*PRODUCTION NOTE: for the proper stewardship of animals and the safety of the performers and audience, it is strongly recommended that a plastic or rubber snake be used.

(CROSSFADE: LIGHTS UP on the other side of the stage where a government official, BRAD
JOHNSON works at a desk. He looks up as VIRG and ARTIE enter with the sack, the creature inside twisting and rattling. They put the bag on the desk. JOHNSON pulls his hands back.)

ARTIE (CONT’D)
Mr. Johnson? You’re in charge of the Environmental Impact Commission, right?

JOHNSON
I’m its representative here.

ARTIE
Okay, so in that bag there –

JOHNSON
I know what’s in that bag.

ARTIE (Reaching for drawstring)
Want to see it?

JOHNSON (Quickly)
No!

ARTIE
Well, we found this endangered species right where Mountain High is planning to put in that mall.

JOHNSON
What endangered species?

ARTIE (again reaching for the drawstring)
The rattler.

JOHNSON
I don’t need to see it! (ARTIE steps back.) And rattlesnakes are not endangered in this area.

ARTIE
They’re not? With the whole climate crisis and everything?

JOHNSON
They’re doing very well, in fact. Go out on the road at dusk, you find lots of them.

ARTIE (bummed)
Awesome!

JOHNSON
Most species native to this area are doing well. We’ve had good snows. Mild summers.

ARTIE
So nothing is endangered? And climate change is just a friggin’ hoax like those deniers say?

JOHNSON
Climate change is very real, and around the country, many species are endangered. Fish and Wildlife received twelve hundred requests to add species to the endangered list this year.

VIRG
Whoa.

ARTIE
Then what’s endangered around here?

JOHNSON
Fortunately, not much. Some bird species. Beetles are at risk. A bat. The spotted skink will probably come off the list.

VIRG
Why will it come off?

JOHNSON
Because, well, in this case, because we’re too late. It hasn’t been seen in fifteen years, so likely it’s extinct now. We do appreciate your interest, fellas. (Indicating sack) Now please return this guy to where you found him.

(CROSSFADE, LIGHTS UP on road. ARTIE and VIRG enter with their sack.)

ARTIE
We didn’t have to hike all the way back here, Virg.

VIRG
He said.

ARTIE
He said there were lots of these critters. If we’d thrown this one in the trash, who’d have known?

VIRG
That wouldn’t have been right, Artie.

ARTIE
Well, thank you, John Muir. Okay, put the bag down under this bush and untie it.

VIRG
Untie it?!

ARTIE (Exasperated)
Oh my God. Okay, stand back.

(VIRG puts the sack down. With the stick, ARTIE loosens it, and lets the snake out.)

VIRG (Smiling)
Hey, he’s out. (waves) Goodbye!

ARTIE (Annoyed)
Virg, I’m telling you…

VIRG
You’re so cranky, Artie.

ARTIE
Don’t you get it, Virg? We’re totally up a creek now. We’re the ones who are endangered.
How cute.

VIRG
How cute.

ARTIE
Cute?! You find our situation cute?!

VIRG
There. On the rock. The little skink.

ARTIE
(Getting very alert) Skink? Really?