Grateful Granny Pageant

In this hilarious play, five modern grannies defy traditional stereotypes leaving the pageant host stymied. Young actors will have a blast playing athletic, adventurous, creative grannies!

This script also includes discussion questions and director’s notes on casting and set design.

Debra A. Cole is a celebrated humanities teacher, youth theatre director, and children’s playwright with degrees in journalism, art history, and elementary education. She understands the needs of young performers and their directors and creates pieces that encourage engaging discussion, creative thought, and quirky playfulness. Her goal is that young performers discover the power and delight that theatre brings to actors and audiences alike.

Visit her website:
www.debraacole-playwright.com

Excerpt from the play:

CHARACTERS

LUCKY WINTERS — (M) host of the Miss Granny Beauty Pageant – slick and shallow
MISS CAROL — (F) grateful for love and kindness
MISS LAURA — (F) grateful for physical ability
MISS ETHEL — (F) grateful for art
MISS IONA — (F) grateful for education
MISS LUELLA — (F) grateful for travel and adventure

(The action takes place in modern day on a pageant stage.)

(Lights come up on a stage ready for a pageant. A banner reads “Miss Granny Beauty Pageant.”  Host, Lucky Winters, is standing at the microphone addressing the audience.)

LUCKY
Welcome to the 10th annual Miss Granny Beauty Pageant! I’m Lucky Winters, and you are not.

(applause sound effect)

Beauty has been celebrated since the dawn of time, and our pageant is no different. The perfect face, the perfect physique, and the perfect outfit all play a part in tonight’s winner. But this isn’t a run of the mill beauty pageant. These contestants are all Grannies.

(applause sound effect)

Grannies, right? Little old ladies who knit, bake, take pills, can barely hear, and spoil grandchildren as the years pass. Let’s bring out our sweet and fragile contestants.

(Applause sound effect plays as the five grannies enter stage right and line up behind Lucky.)

Aren’t they cute?

(applause sound effect)

First up, the Q&A round. I will ask each of these ladies a question, and our judges will get to hear the answers. Our first contestant is Miss Luella.

(Applause sound effect – Miss Luella steps up to the microphone to join Lucky. Miss Luella is dressed as a stylish explorer.)

Miss Luella, look at you.

MISS LUELLA
What about me, Lucky?

LUCKY
Where is your walker, dear?

MISS LUELLA
(confused) I don’t understand.

LUCKY
(slightly nervous) Are you okay standing? Should I find a chair?

MISS LUELLA
(irritated) Just ask your question, Lucky.

LUCKY
Okay…Miss Luella, as grannies age, their bodies naturally slow down. If you win the Miss Granny Beauty Pageant, how do you think you will manage the duties of the crown? Will someone be driving you from event to events?

MISS LUELLA
(irritated) You’re kidding right?

LUCKY
(smiling to the audience) No, not kidding at all.

MISS LUELLA
Listen, Lucky, I returned for this pageant from my two-month stay in Italy. I didn’t come back to be insulted by you.

LUCKY
Italy? You travel?

MISS LUELLA
Of course, I travel. Last spring, I went on a photography safari in Kenya. Last winter, I skied in the Swiss Alps. Travel is what gives me true joy.

LUCKY
(nervously) How old are you, Miss Luella?

MISS LUELLA
(sarcastically) How old am I? I’m old enough to have two fabulously new knees. Thank you, Dr. Miller. (moves them without concern) I’m old enough to know that life is about adventure, and I’m old enough NOT to have to tell you my actual age, Lucky.

LUCKY
But, you’re a granny. You are supposed to sit and watch your grandchildren play.

MISS LUELLA
Lucky, you are so misinformed. My grandchildren join me on some of my trips. You should have seen my granddaughter Emma when we bungee jumped in Australia! She screamed louder than I did!

LUCKY
(slowly and nervously) Okay…thank you, Miss Luella.

(Applause sound effect plays as Miss Luella moves back into the granny line.)

Surely our next granny is a…traditional granny.