Cratchit’s Last Boxing Day

Fifty-six years after the events of Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol,” Timothy Cratchit is the longtime owner and operator of a successful financial firm, having inherited it from the late Ebenezer Scrooge. Timothy has lived his life with unwavering generosity, but it has not been without its setbacks. As his company faces a crippling audit on Christmas Eve, Timothy must go through a spiritual journey of his own to help him rediscover his purpose. New and familiar characters mingle in this unsanctioned sequel to the Victorian holiday classic. A perfect choice for high schools and community theatres.

About the playwright:

Derek Kenney is a neurodivergent playwright, director, and actor out of Oklahoma City, OK. He has been actively working in the industry ever since obtaining a BFA in Theatre Performance from the University of Central Oklahoma. His style of writing has been described as “fantastical realism,” mixing in symbolically strange or supernatural elements with otherwise grounded, recognizable drama. He strives to make art that is unique and unseen, experimenting with both structure and genre, but he also enjoys creating homages or adaptations of other properties and styles that have spoken to him over the years.

Excerpt from the play:

CHARACTERS:

DANDERLY: m, 40s
TIMOTHY: m, 63
STEPHEN: m, 30s
MARTHA: f, 17
PAST: f, n/a
NURSE SMITH: m, 20s
YOUNG TIMOTHY: m, 19
CATHARINE: f, 20s
PRESENT: m, n/a
LITTLE MISSY: f, 7
ALICE: f, 30s
IGNORANCE: m, n/a
WANT: f, n/a
FUTURE: m, 57

SCENE 1

The office of TIMOTHY CRATCHIT, operator of “Scrooge & Marley Counting House.” He is 63 years old, and his period-appropriate crutches are resting on the side of his desk. Across from the desk is DANDERLY, a tax auditor, flipping through his notes.

DANDERLY
I must admit, it is not looking promising, Mr. Cratchit.

TIMOTHY
I would relish to hear what you mean.

DANDERLY
Well, for a start, you do not seem to be reporting all your income. Are you the sole employee at this establishment?

TIMOTHY
There is my clerk, as well.

DANDERLY
But of course. That would be Mr. Spaulding, correct? I met him coming in.

TIMOTHY
We are the only two working here.

DANDERLY
Does Mr. Spaulding perform any of the financial duties?

TIMOTHY
No. He merely assists on the daily goings on.

DANDERLY
And how many clients do you advise?

TIMOTHY
I believe our last count was just over one hundred.

DANDERLY
That is quite a lot for only –

TIMOTHY
A month.

DANDERLY
I’m sorry?

TIMOTHY
We serve slightly above one hundred clients a month. I do not believe in full-time clientele. I view it to be abhorrent to bill hardworking citizens, whether it be on a monthly or annual basis. Why should I rest on my laurels while they pay my expenses, eh?

DANDERLY
So how do you –

TIMOTHY
We charge by meeting. It allows for a low, reasonable rate. As for me, I feel as if I am earning my keep, putting in a good day’s work, so to speak.

DANDERLY
And you meet with one-hundred of these clients a month?

TIMOTHY
Slightly above.

DANDERLY
All the same, that is quite a degree of work for one man. Are they all return clients?

TIMOTHY
Most, but of late we have started to grow exponentially. We do well off referrals. I am pleased to say our clients are immensely happy with our services.

DANDERLY
What about Mr. Spaulding? How does he feel about all this traffic?

TIMOTHY
I believe he enjoys his position. I supply him with reasonable work hours, a generous salary, in addition to commission.

DANDERLY
He earns commission?

TIMOTHY
Yes, based on company profit.

DANDERLY
I thought you said that you were the sole financial officer in this establishment.

TIMOTHY
That is correct. Stephen is my clerk.

DANDERLY
So, that is to say he earns your commission?

TIMOTHY
One might say that, an outsider as yourself, but as I am the owner of this firm, I say it is in fact his commission.

DANDERLY
Very well. Where does the rest of the money go?

TIMOTHY
It goes where money always goes, I suppose. Salaries, heat, renovations.

DANDERLY
Mr. Cratchit, if your account is to be believed, you perhaps run the single most popular counting house in London.

TIMOTHY
We do much more than counting, nowadays. Advisement, investment, most anything our clients desire or need.

DANDERLY
Then shouldn’t you change the sign?

TIMOTHY
No, one needs to remember the past in order to move forward.

DANDERLY
Very well, but regardless of what your financial firm supplies, by any manner, it’s extensively large by comparison to all others within the district.

TIMOTHY
I suppose one could say such things.

DANDERLY
Despite only having one staff member.

TIMOTHY
If you are not counting Stephen, that would be correct. The man works hard. Whether his nose is in the books or not, I believe he should still be acknowledged.

DANDERLY
Two employees do not outnumber one employee by a large enough margin, I’m afraid. Mr. Cratchit, your reported numbers do not reflect your size at all. I am almost afraid to ask how much you charge your clients.

TIMOTHY
I only charge what is necessary to keep this office open. We also maintain rather generous options for zero interest periods, discounts, and uncharged services.

DANDERLY
That may explain some of the discrepancies.

TIMOTHY
We also donate.

DANDERLY
To whom?

TIMOTHY
To whomever needs it.

DANDERLY
To rephrase it, you give away your money unconditionally. You do not keep files on to whom you donate, I gather?

TIMOTHY
We do not, no.

DANDERLY
Again, that is simply giving it all away, Mr. Cratchit. Wasting it, and for what reason?

TIMOTHY
I call it charity.

DANDERLY
It is difficult to classify this generosity of yours as taxable donations if you do not report them.

TIMOTHY
I do not wish to report them. It would not be charity if I sought to benefit from it. To be frank, I do not wish to be involved with the greedy business of governmental taxation in any form.

DANDERLY
That much is clear, illegal, but clear.

TIMOTHY
That’s the one service we try to avoid here at Scrooge & Marley’s.

DANDERLY
And that is what brings me here today. Mr. Cratchit, I –

TIMOTHY
Call me Timothy. I believe we have earned ourselves some casual discussion practices. After all, it may lighten the mood when matters become ugly.

DANDERLY
You anticipate them becoming ugly?

TIMOTHY
It’s best to be prepared.

DANDERLY
Very well, then. Mr. Timothy, you do not pay your taxes. You have not in quite some time. Your numbers are frankly puzzling. Upwards and downwards, they are. Your income does not reflect your company size, as if it greatly matters. I have been conservative in saying you haven’t paid enough, as you actually have not paid so much as a shilling to the queen in several past years. Nothing at all.

TIMOTHY
What has the queen done for me?

DANDERLY
What has the queen…? My god, man, you are walking on thin ice.

TIMOTHY
(Slowly rises, grabbing crutches.)
Sir, look at me. I have been like this, a crippled and dainty lad for well over fifty years. What has Queen Victoria done to balm this ailment, this pain? I do not believe I ever received flowers from parliament while in the hospital, and my family… Well, that is a story for another day to someone I have more respect for.

DANDERLY
Respect me or no, sir, everyone must pay their due to live in this great nation. We are at war, Mr. Cratchit… Timothy Cratchit, you have responsibilities, financial ones.

TIMOTHY
I must say, I quite support the efforts of the Boers. Independence is often taken for granted. Being told what one can or cannot do with their own money is oppressive enough.

DANDERLY
Now this is just absurd.

TIMOTHY
The absurdity, my dear boy, is walking into a hard-working man’s office, uninvited, I might add, and accusing him of wrongdoing due to his unconditional generosity. That should be enough. It should be enough on any day, but on Christmas Eve? I know greed, kind sir. I have seen it in my line of work longer than you have been on this earth, but I will not run my business in the same manner, and that includes giving money to my tyrannical government. All that achieves is fueling the greed I swore off years ago.

DANDERLY
For God’s sake, Timothy. Sit back down. You are going to topple yourself over.

TIMOTHY sits back down.

DANDERLY (cont’d)
I have no wish to question your generosity. I must say, I view your ethical standards as quite sound, even agreeable, but at this moment, they are inconsequential. You owe the government this much money, here.

DANDERLY writes down an unseen Number from his notes and places the paper in front of TIMOTHY.

DANDERLY (cont’d)
Do you have it?

TIMOTHY
I do.

DANDERLY
Can you pay it?

TIMOTHY
I can.

DANDERLY
Now choose your answer for this next question wisely, Timothy. Will you pay it?

(He does not respond.)

I will be back to collect in two days time.

TIMOTHY
That’s Boxing Day. We recognize it here. We will be closed.

DANDERLY
The best I can do. Generally, one day is standard protocol, but as it is Christmas, you have earned yourself a little more time.

TIMOTHY
Thank you for stopping by, sir. The finest of gifts I have ever received in exchange for picking my pocket.

DANDERLY
Of course! After all, aren’t the holidays supposed to be about giving without expecting anything in return?

(Beat.)

A poor joke. I apologize. Please try and enjoy Christmas, Mr. Cratchit, Timothy. I truly wish that for you, and I will see you the day following.

TIMOTHY
No, you will not. The door will be locked.

DANDERLY
Let us all hope you change your mind.

STEPHEN SPAULDING abruptly enters the office.

STEPHEN
I apologize for my abrupt entry. I just feel like Mr. Cratchit, and I need to discuss the matters at hand before this meeting goes any further.

DANDERLY
It is no trouble, Mr. Spaulding. I was just taking my leave.

DANDERLY rises and approaches STEPHEN, speaking to him in a hushed tone.

DANDERLY (cont’d)
Please try and talk some sense into him. I do not wish to close down this establishment. Neither of your jobs need to be lost this season.

DANDERLY exits the office, leaving STEPHEN and TIMOTHY there alone. A beat is taken before STEPHEN chimes in.

STEPHEN
I listened in on pieces of the conversation, sir. I’m sorry. The walls are thin, and your tones were heightened for a moment there.

TIMOTHY
Did you want to see the number he gave me?

STEPHEN
Oh, it’s none of my business, sir. Were you telling the truth when you said you could pay it?

TIMOTHY
I was.

STEPHEN
Will you?

TIMOTHY
No.

STEPHEN
I do not wish to speak out of line, sir –

TIMOTHY
You can speak however you wish, Stephen. This is not a monarchy. I appreciate your perspective.

STEPHEN
They are going to shut us down, Mr. Cratchit. I do not wish to lose my job, and I don’t imagine you would like to lose yours either.

TIMOTHY
I am leaving, Stephen. I am leaving the business.

STEPHEN
What? When?

TIMOTHY
After Boxing Day.

STEPHEN
Why, sir?

TIMOTHY
I am old, and I am tired.

STEPHEN
Who will run the business, sir? I don’t believe I am qualified.

TIMOTHY
I’ll be closing the office down permanently, liquidating.

STEPHEN
Sir… I suppose a congratulations is in order, and I do not wish to be selfish, but what does this mean for me and my position?

TIMOTHY
Stephen, never feel sorry for asking questions. You have a voice, a beautiful voice, and I will disperse a hardy smack to anyone who won’t let you use it. Rest assured, you need not be worried about your situation. I will be leaving all my assets to you.

STEPHEN
All of them?

TIMOTHY
Yes, Stephen. Congratulations.

STEPHEN
What about the taxes?

TIMOTHY
One can’t close down a business for evading taxes if there is no business to close down. In any rate, I am the one who has been charged, not you. You’ll receive all my money, and no one has to know about it.

STEPHEN
I don’t believe that is entirely legal, sir.

TIMOTHY
Certainly not, but neither is evading taxes. I don’t wish to be a criminal, Stephen, but sometimes the rules need to be bent to ensure that the money goes to those who need it most.

STEPHEN
You are a fine man, Mr. Cratchit, the kindest I have ever met. You will never receive judgment from me if you so choose to make some legal exceptions for the greater good, but perhaps a better way can be found. We are about to enter a new millennia, after all. A resolution may be in order.