The Crowded House

The Crowded House is a Yiddish Folktale about a family who thinks their home is too small for them. A neighbor offers to help them by suggesting they allow their goat, chickens, and donkey to move into the house. It doesn’t take long for the family to realize how much space their home really has. The play was originally written by Eva Jacob and is part of the public domain.

Here is another version of this story on Drama Notebook:

It Could be Worse

Excerpt from the play:

CHARACTERS:

Father
Mother
Granny
Bartholomew
Joseph
Joan
Willy
Martin
Tom
Meg
Mary Ann
Joseph
Goat
6 Chickens (Easy to modify the number of chickens)
Donkey

SCENE 1

SETTING: The only room of John the Carpenter’s cottage.

AT RISE:  Everyone is busy, and the room is crowded. Upstage center, GRANNY is rolling out a piecrust. To left of center stage, MARY ANN is churning butter. Downstage left, MOTHER and MOLLY are winding wool; MOLLY holds the skein while MOTHER winds. Downstage center sits MEG, surrounded by her dolls; she is pouring tea for them out of an imaginary teapot. Downstage right, TOM, and JOSEPH are sorting apples from one basket into two others. At right of the stage, FATHER is hammering nails into a table he is making; at rise, he gives a few actual hammer blows, then pantomimes, once others start talking. At the center of stage, MARTIN and WILLY are playing “wheelbarrow”; MARTIN walks on his hands while WILLY holds his ankles. JOAN is trying to sweep the floor. Throughout the entire scene, the characters pantomime to each other, as if to say: “You’re in my way. Please move aside.”

MEG:
(rescuing her dolls, as MARTIN and WILLY’S “wheelbarrow” approaches) Oh me, oh my! I wish we weren’t so crowded!

WILLY:
So do I! There’s not even room for the mice in this house. (MARTIN pads toward butter church, WILLY following.)

MARY ANN:
Shoo, Willy! Martin – scat! How can I church my butter? (MARTIN pads toward FATHER, WILLY following.)

GRANNY:
(Turning around) Mary Ann! Your churn is in my way. (GRANNY and MARY ANN gesture protestingly at each other.)

FATHER:
(To MARTIN and WILLY) Children, don’t play here. There isn’t any room.

JOAN:
(Pausing with broom in front of apple baskets) Joseph! Tom! Please move aside. How can I sweep? (BOYS carrying baskets move angrily toward MEG.)

MEG:
(Again rescuing dolls) No, Tom, you mustn’t sit here. You’re right in the middle of my tea party! (MEG, TOM, and JOSEPH pantomime a quarrel. Others all begin talking at once.)

ALL:
(Adlibs) You’re in my way. Please move over. How can I work?  There’s no room in this house! Why must we be so crowded?

FATHER:
(At the top of his lungs)  Quiet! Be still, I saw. (Others are silent. FATHER clutches his head.)
Oh, my ears and shoe buttons! All this noise! You’ll drive me out of my wits! (A knock is heard.)

MOTHER:
Husband, I hear a knock at the door. (Knock is repeated.)

FATHER:
Aye, good wife. I hear it. (Loudly) Come in.

BARTHOLOMEW:
(Entering. Leans on his staff and bows) Good day to you, my friends.

GRANNY:
Why, ‘tis Wise Bartholomew himself!

BARTHOLOMEW:
(Bowing again) None other.

MOLLY:
Have you come to visit us, good Bartholomew?

BARTHOLOMEW:
Nay, my child. I was on my way to the forest, but I heard such a shouting and wailing in this house that I thought there must be some trouble.

MOTHER:
(Wiping her eyes with her apron) Alas, good Bartholomew, we have trouble enough and more.

FATHER:
We lead a miserable life.

BARTHOLOMEW:
Dear me! But what is the matter?

MEG:
We’re so crowded.

JOSEPH:
We don’t have any room at all.

ALL:
(Adlibs) He’s in my way. She won’t give me any room. How can I work? (Etc.)

BARTHOLOMEW:
(Raising his hand for silence) Say no more. By all the gray hairs in my long gray beard, you really do have a problem.

FATHER:
Dear Bartholomew, you are the wisest man in all the village. Can’t you think of some way to help us?

OTHERS:
Yes, please help us. There must be some way. Help us.

BARTHOLOMEW:
(Again raising his hand for silence) Perhaps I can help you. Tell me this, friend John – do you own any animals?

FATHER:
Animals?  Yes, we have some animals. We have a goat, six chickens, and a donkey out in the barnyard.

BARTHOLOMEW:
A goat, six chickens, and a donkey, you say. Ah, excellent. Fine. Very good. Now I’ll tell you what to do.

ALL:
Yes, tell us, good Bartholomew. What must we do?

BARTHOLOMEW:
(Raising hand for silence)  John, you must go out to the barnyard and fetch your goat. Bring him into this room to live with you.

FATHER:
What? A goat in this room?

GRANNY:
I never heard of such a thing! (Others pantomime surprise).

BARTHOLOMEW:
Do as I say or go your own way. Fiddle-dee-dum, Fiddle-dee-dee, that’s all the advice you’ll hear from me. (Turns, as if to go)

MOTHER:
Please don’t go away, wise Bartholomew. We’ll do as you say.

OTHERS:
Yes, we’ll obey. We’ll get the goat.

BARTHOLOMEW:
Very well. I shall come again in seven days and nights to see how you are faring. Good day, my friends. (Exits)