The Girl with the Golden Locks Play Script

The Girl with the Golden Locks is a comedy to be performed in the style of the TV show, “COPS”. Based on Goldilocks and the Three Bears, this twisted tale revolves around two cops and one notoriously unsolved case. Goldilocks has broken into the Bears’ home and wreaked havoc on their furniture. When the family returns and finds her there, Mama rushes to call the cops in to save the day. This twisted fairy tale is perfect for all ages!

Andy Pavey is a commissioned playwright, who writes short plays for Drama Notebook. He is a student who attends UWC-USA. He previously spent nine years with Davenport Junior Theatre, the second-oldest children’s theatre in the United States, where he acted in productions, managed the props building, and wrote plays for young actors to perform. In addition to writing, Andy is an avid backpacker!

Excerpt from the play:

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Announcer
Bad Cop
Good Cop
Goldilocks
Mama Bear
Papa Bear
Baby Bear

NOTE:  This play should be performed as an episode of the TV show “Cops.”

At rise: GOOD COP and BAD COP are packing up boxes in their office, preparing to retire.

ANNOUNCER
This week on COPS! A string of mysterious break-ins in the suburbs makes a local family worry! The twist? They’re bears! Yes, this is a family of bears living in a middle-class American household. And two cops will stop at nothing to bring the criminal to justice… Welcome to COPS.

BAD COP
It’s been a terrible twenty-six years, but we’ve finally done it. We’re retiring.

GOOD COP
Huh. I thought they were a pretty great twenty-six years. Funny how memory works.

BAD COP
Nope, they were terrible, Good Cop. They were terrible.

GOOD COP
Whatever you say, Bad Cop.
Beat. GOOD COP stops packing and sits on the desk.

GOOD COP
There is ONE case that’s haunted me for years. We’ve saved hundreds of kittens from trees, helped dozens of grandmothers cross the road, and eaten more donuts than you could even possibly imagine. But this case? This case was different. The case of the Girl With The Golden Locks. The one who got away.

The lights shift to a classic “film noir” style. The BEARS enter and take their seats at the kitchen table. A few seconds later, GOLDILOCKS enters and “hides” behind a bush. She should be easily noticeable.

BAD COP
It was a dark and stormy Sunday night at the end of Honey Boulevard, a small street in an even smaller town.

GOOD COP
And in that house at the end of Honey Boulevard sat a family of bears eating dinner together. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but these bears were actually rather lovable creatures.

BAD COP
If by “lovable” you mean “face-eating monsters,” then yeah, you’re correct.

GOOD COP
They lived in a HOUSE. They were eating PORRIDGE. They’re HARMLESS.

BAD COP
I’m not convinced.

ANNOUNCER
Little did those innocent little bears know, they were under the watchful eye of one of the most notorious criminals this side of the Hundred-Acre Woods: The Girl With The Golden Locks.

Lights down on GOOD COP and BAD COP.

MAMA BEAR (reading the newspaper)
Did you hear about the break-ins downtown yesterday? The police are saying the crimes are connected somehow.

BABY BEAR
Crime in America is a very serious issue, and one that can be linked to a variety of factors both socioeconomic and political.

MAMA BEAR
Aww, isn’t that cute, Howard? I thought he almost said his first word just there!

PAPA BEAR
Yes, dear, that’s adorable, dear.