The Miser and His Gold Play Script

The Miser and His Gold is a comedy based on the original fable that tells the story of a greedy and selfish man. The Miser meets several people in need one day and his daughter repeatedly encourages him to help, but to no avail. The miser refuses to help and makes excuses that they are lazy, look different from him, or aren’t fit and healthy. When he makes a rather large purchase of gold and proceeds to hide it away, the daughter takes matters into her own hands and sets things right. This fable inspires children to be kind and generous and places value on human beings rather than the accumulation of riches.

Andy Pavey is a commissioned playwright, who writes short plays for Drama Notebook. He is a student who attends UWC-USA. He previously spent nine years with Davenport Junior Theatre, the second-oldest children’s theatre in the United States, where he acted in productions, managed the props building, and wrote plays for young actors to perform. In addition to writing, Andy is an avid backpacker!

Excerpt from the play:

CHARACTERS

MISER
MISER’S DAUGHTER
GOLD PEDDLER
BEGGAR
CHILD
INJURED MANThe MISER and the MISER’S DAUGHTER enter. The MISER is holding a massive map and studying it, confused.MISER
Let’s see… Which way is North?The MISER flips the map upside-down and backwards, and studies it again.MISER’S DAUGHTER 
Are we there yet?MISER
No.They take another few steps in one direction, the MISER continuing to fumble with the map.MISER
Now, if we just passed the supermarket but we haven’t seen the Dollar General, then…MISER’S DAUGHTER 
Are we there yet?MISER
No.They take another couple of steps. The MISER looks around and sighs. After a beat:MISER’S DAUGHTER 
Are we there yet?MISER
(angrily) We’ll get there when we get there!MISER’S DAUGHTER 
(under her breath) I knew we should have called an Uber.MISER
(still pondering the map) Let’s see, let’s see… Where is it, where is it?Lights up on a previously-dark section of the stage, where a “Gold For Sale” set piece has been placed. A sign sits in front of a small table or podium, where the GOLD PEDDLER stands, cheerily. Atop the table are various sizes of gold nuggets – 16 oz, 32 oz, 48 oz, and the Big Gulp nugget, which weighs about 6 pounds. It could be ridiculously large—if you’d like, you can make the MISER drag it around in a wheelbarrow.MISER
Well, look, it was there the whole time! (to the MISER’S DAUGHTER) Why didn’t you notice it earlier?! Silly child. We need to get you in for an eye appointment.MISER’S DAUGHTER 
(under her breath) Yeah, I’m the one who fumbled around with a paper map for an hour instead of using Google Maps…The MISER and the MISER’S DAUGHTER cross to the GOLD PEDDLER.GOLD PEDDLER 
Hello, welcome to my Gold Shoppe, where everyone’s a winner! (to the audience) Provided you have enough money to buy an obscene amount of gold from us. Otherwise, get lost. (to the MISER) How may I help you today?MISER
Hi, hello. I’m looking to purchase some gold.MISER’S DAUGHTER 
Wait. You told me you were opening a college savings account for me, not buying some gold from this guy.MISER
(to the MISER’S DAUGHTER) Hush. Gold is timeless.GOLD PEDDLER 
Well, if it’s gold you’re looking for, you’ve certainly come to the right place!MISER
Great. So, how does this all work?GOLD PEDDLER 
I’d be happy to tell you, but first, you’re going to have to sign this waiver.The GOLD PEDDLER places a waiver and a pen on the table next to the chunks of gold.MISER
A waiver?! Just to hear you tell me how your business operates?