Memory Junk

Besides the physical reminders of our past – awards, photos, souvenirs – are there other “things” that we need to discard in order to move forward? This play was the impetus for such discussions among several groups of senior citizens. Besides being entertaining, it touches on truths about clinging to our past as we prepare for the future.

About the playwright:

Karleen Hayden is a retired first-grade teacher who has come to playwriting late in life. She has over 20 years of experience with children’s theater, working as a director, stage manager, costumer, kid and dog wrangler, and general go-fer. Karleen is a founding member of the Matinee Theater Players of the Sand Lake Center for Arts, a group dedicated to taking live performances to local schools, assisted living centers, and nursing homes, and is the director of Circle of Friends Players, a group of multi-talented “differently abled” adults. Several of her plays have won awards in one-act festivals, and she is also the recipient of the Theater Association of New York State Excellence in Writing Award. Karleen currently works as a dog trainer and competes in Rally and Agility. Her favorite role in life, however, is being Grandma!

Excerpt from the play:

CHARACTERS:

FRANK– 60/70, retired, in favor of ridding the house of clutter and “junk”

MILLIE– 60/70, retired, sentimental, holds on to all her most cherished possessions

 

SETTING:
Kitchen – small table, 2 chairs, coffee carafe, and mugs, small cabinet full of assorted mugs, newspaper.

At the rise, Frank is kneeling in front of the cabinet full of mugs looking for a specific one. Millie is seated at the table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

 

FRANK (frustrated)
Why on Earth do we need all these mugs?

MILLIE
What are you complaining about now?

FRANK (stands, sits at table with mug in hand)
All those danged mugs! We have two cupboards full of mugs! And that doesn’t include all the holiday mugs you’ve got stashed away in the pantry! Who needs more than one mug anyway? Ya fill it, ya wash it, ya use it again. Sheesh!

MILLIE
I love those mugs! I can choose one to suit my mood anytime I want.

FRANK (picks up Millie’s mug and reads what’s on it)
Really, Millie? This one has an ape on it and it says, “COFFEE MAKES ME POOP!”
Nice sentiment.

MILLIE (offended)
Hey! That’s a joke between Sarah and me. She gave me that for Mother’s Day! I love that mug!

FRANK (indicates cupboard full of mugs)
Ok, but how many Beagle mugs do we need? “Best Beagle Mom Ever.” “I Love My Beagle.” “Beagle!” For crying out loud, just pick one and get rid of the rest!

MILLIE
I’ve always loved mugs. You know that. I collect them. (beat) Why are you so grouchy anyway? Is this really about the mugs?

FRANK
Yes, it’s really about the mugs! We’re running out of room to store things in this house. You’ve got probably thirty mugs in the kitchen cabinet alone! There’s no room for anything else!

MILLIE
Well, what do you suggest we put in the cupboards? Your baseball junk? Which, by the way, is cluttering up the mud room. All those bats and mitts and helmets and smelly cleats. And why does a man your age need to play baseball anyway?

FRANK
Don’t change the subject, Millie.

MILLIE
Or maybe you want me to get rid of my mugs so you can put all your baseball books in the cupboards. How many did you have at last count? 549?

FRANK
Baseball is important to me! And no, I do not have 549 baseball books. Geez!

MILLIE
Well, if you got rid of all your baseball crap, we’d actually have room for our winter coats and boots in the mud room. And if you gave away all those musty baseball books, we’d have room for real literature on the bookshelves. Tit for tat, Frank.

FRANK
Oh, really? Well, I think you should get rid of those thousands of balls of yarn in the office slash craft room! All those storage cabinets in there and I have no room for my baseball trophies. Every time I open a cabinet, I’m attacked by balls of yarn! Honest to Pete, Millie, if you knit for the next 20 years without stopping, you’d still have enough yarn left over to usher in the year 3,000!

MILLIE
You just love to exaggerate, don’t you? And those baseball trophies of yours are just cheap plastic. It’s not like you won the World Series. “Most Valuable Player?” That’s probably because you’re the only player over 60 who can still run the bases without having an asthma attack or pulling a hamstring.

FRANK
You’re mean, Millie, you know that?

MILLIE
Just tellin’ it like it is, Frank.

FRANK
Well, then, let me tell it like it is! This house is full of junk and we need to start getting rid of stuff!

MILLIE
Ok, Frank. Let’s start with clothes, shall we? Last time I counted, you had 63 shirts hanging in our closet. Sixty-three, Frank! And some of those date back to the 1980s and shouldn’t be seen in public! Get rid of them!

FRANK
No! I might need those shirts someday.

MILLIE
What? You wear the same three shirts and pairs of pants over and over! And you have two dressers full of old t-shirts. Some of them are so old they’re yellow and stiff as a board. Why, Frank? You’ll never wear them again. Throw them out!

FRANK
Hey! Those are my back-up shirts!

MILLIE
Your back up shirts?

FRANK
Yeah, you know, in case I need an extra….(beat) Listen, my clothes are none of your business!

MILLIE
Really? I have to keep my clothes in Bill’s old bedroom closet because I can’t fit any of my own stuff in our closet! You have pants from the Nixon Era, I swear!

FRANK
You just love to exaggerate, don’t you?

MILLIE
I’m not exaggerating, Frank. I counted your shirts. Sixty-three. I didn’t count the pants. Not sure I can count that high.

FRANK
Ha ha.

MILLIE
And what about all those boxes you have stacked up in the corner of the bedroom? My God, Frank, they’re full of baseball magazines going back to the 1970s, and old floppy computer disks, and receipts from 40 years ago! I could put a nice chair in that corner if you got rid of all that.

FRANK
I might need those things someday.